As for deep thoughts, I have been evaluating myself a lot lately. My sister and I have been talking a lot about our lives and things that we have learned in the past several years. It has been a good process to talk through with her. It is funny how so many miles can separate us, but we are still learning similar lessons.
One thing I have been working through is coming to grips with the fact that when God made me, He didn't make a mistake. I spent most of my life being frustrated that I was so different from other girls. I
n grade school, I played football with the boys at recess. I wanted to be "one of the guys" because I felt like I didn't have anything to offer the girls and they sure didn't have anything to offer me. I wasn't into gossip and didn't really care if my hair bow matched my shirt. I didn't even own a hair bow. I know my mom thought I was a lost cause. I would much rather have helped my father wash cars and mow the lawn than be cooped up in the house. I loved sports....any and all of them. I often times felt alone. Thankfully when I got to high school, I found a niche and made great friends with other athletic girls, but I still felt like an outsider. I was silly and fun, but I was a Christian and lived by my convictions. Now, don't get me wrong. I had a great group of friends at school and I keep in touch with some still, but in spite of that - I still felt different.
My wedding day was the first day of my life I ever felt beautiful. But at the end of the day, I couldn't' wait to get out of those hose and into a pair of jeans. Many years passed in our marriage where I struggled with being a wife and allowing Jason to be my husband. I felt certain that I didn't "need" him. I was pretty self sufficient and capable to do whatever I put my mind to. A few years into our marriage, we got into a multi-level marketing company where I actually tried to sell cosmetics. It was so amazingly uncomfortable to me. I was trying to be someone I was not.
n grade school, I played football with the boys at recess. I wanted to be "one of the guys" because I felt like I didn't have anything to offer the girls and they sure didn't have anything to offer me. I wasn't into gossip and didn't really care if my hair bow matched my shirt. I didn't even own a hair bow. I know my mom thought I was a lost cause. I would much rather have helped my father wash cars and mow the lawn than be cooped up in the house. I loved sports....any and all of them. I often times felt alone. Thankfully when I got to high school, I found a niche and made great friends with other athletic girls, but I still felt like an outsider. I was silly and fun, but I was a Christian and lived by my convictions. Now, don't get me wrong. I had a great group of friends at school and I keep in touch with some still, but in spite of that - I still felt different. 
My wedding day was the first day of my life I ever felt beautiful. But at the end of the day, I couldn't' wait to get out of those hose and into a pair of jeans. Many years passed in our marriage where I struggled with being a wife and allowing Jason to be my husband. I felt certain that I didn't "need" him. I was pretty self sufficient and capable to do whatever I put my mind to. A few years into our marriage, we got into a multi-level marketing company where I actually tried to sell cosmetics. It was so amazingly uncomfortable to me. I was trying to be someone I was not. It is only in the past 3 years where I have come to find joy in being exactly who God made me to be. With Jason's encouragement, I started playing tennis and taking time for myself. This is where I find my energy to come home a be the mom and the wife I need to be. I think during the first part of my life I struggled with finding who I was and then as I grew, I began running from who I was. Now I love who I am. I love that I have things that I am passionate about. I love that I can spend hours competing against myself or anyone who challenges me at Guitar Hero (Theresa). I love that I love to compete in anything from tennis to at the stoplight when the red light turns green. I love being a mom and a wife, and I love that Jason is my husband. Not only do I know that I need him, I want him because he loves me just the way that I am.
Ten Inventions That I Think Would Be Priceless:
1. Something that would show me the consequences of my actions before I did them.
2. A Human Silencer. This would especially come in handy with the children.
3. A Teleporter. Maybe I would be on time for once. Probably not though.
4. Something that gave me long back rubs like Jason used to give me when we were dating :)
5. Antiperspirant that actually kept me from sweating.
6. Something that would permanently remove static from all my belongings especially my hair.
7. A Word Retractor - I sure wish I could take back some words I have said in the past. There are also things I wish I would have said.
8. A device that allowed me to forever remember the sound of my Grandmother's voice, the smell of her house, the presence of her being. I say that I remember it now, but I so wish I could hear her say my name again and taste her homemade rolls.
9. A Vehicle that allowed me to explore the depths of the ocean freely....heck I would be satisfied to just explore the bottom of a lake. It is a mystery down there.
10. A device that could read between the lines and translate what someone is actually meaning in what they say. No more guessing when you hear the answer to "How do I look in these jeans?"
Until Next Time.
Blessings,
Becca
2 comments:
Thanks for the update! I always enjoy reading your thoughts.
First of all, I've always thought you were beautiful. You have an amazing smile and such brilliant eyes. And, you being you, even if you never thought you were being you, has always been beautiful. That is what drew me to your friendship a long time ago. What a blessing to find peace in God's mighty handiwork.
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