Just Being Me

Again, I have not written in awhile. Jason surprised me for Valentines Day and bought me Guitar Hero. I have been investing some time in my "Guitar Career" instead of blogging. It is a tough life, but someone has to live it :)

As for deep thoughts, I have been evaluating myself a lot lately. My sister and I have been talking a lot about our lives and things that we have learned in the past several years. It has been a good process to talk through with her. It is funny how so many miles can separate us, but we are still learning similar lessons.

One thing I have been working through is coming to grips with the fact that when God made me, He didn't make a mistake. I spent most of my life being frustrated that I was so different from other girls. In grade school, I played football with the boys at recess. I wanted to be "one of the guys" because I felt like I didn't have anything to offer the girls and they sure didn't have anything to offer me. I wasn't into gossip and didn't really care if my hair bow matched my shirt. I didn't even own a hair bow. I know my mom thought I was a lost cause. I would much rather have helped my father wash cars and mow the lawn than be cooped up in the house. I loved sports....any and all of them. I often times felt alone. Thankfully when I got to high school, I found a niche and made great friends with other athletic girls, but I still felt like an outsider. I was silly and fun, but I was a Christian and lived by my convictions. Now, don't get me wrong. I had a great group of friends at school and I keep in touch with some still, but in spite of that - I still felt different.

My wedding day was the first day of my life I ever felt beautiful. But at the end of the day, I couldn't' wait to get out of those hose and into a pair of jeans. Many years passed in our marriage where I struggled with being a wife and allowing Jason to be my husband. I felt certain that I didn't "need" him. I was pretty self sufficient and capable to do whatever I put my mind to. A few years into our marriage, we got into a multi-level marketing company where I actually tried to sell cosmetics. It was so amazingly uncomfortable to me. I was trying to be someone I was not.

It is only in the past 3 years where I have come to find joy in being exactly who God made me to be. With Jason's encouragement, I started playing tennis and taking time for myself. This is where I find my energy to come home a be the mom and the wife I need to be. I think during the first part of my life I struggled with finding who I was and then as I grew, I began running from who I was. Now I love who I am. I love that I have things that I am passionate about. I love that I can spend hours competing against myself or anyone who challenges me at Guitar Hero (Theresa). I love that I love to compete in anything from tennis to at the stoplight when the red light turns green. I love being a mom and a wife, and I love that Jason is my husband. Not only do I know that I need him, I want him because he loves me just the way that I am.

Ten Inventions That I Think Would Be Priceless:

1. Something that would show me the consequences of my actions before I did them.

2. A Human Silencer. This would especially come in handy with the children.

3. A Teleporter. Maybe I would be on time for once. Probably not though.

4. Something that gave me long back rubs like Jason used to give me when we were dating :)

5. Antiperspirant that actually kept me from sweating.

6. Something that would permanently remove static from all my belongings especially my hair.

7. A Word Retractor - I sure wish I could take back some words I have said in the past. There are also things I wish I would have said.

8. A device that allowed me to forever remember the sound of my Grandmother's voice, the smell of her house, the presence of her being. I say that I remember it now, but I so wish I could hear her say my name again and taste her homemade rolls.

9. A Vehicle that allowed me to explore the depths of the ocean freely....heck I would be satisfied to just explore the bottom of a lake. It is a mystery down there.

10. A device that could read between the lines and translate what someone is actually meaning in what they say. No more guessing when you hear the answer to "How do I look in these jeans?"

Until Next Time.

Blessings,

Becca

Lesson Learned

It has been so long since I have blogged. The older Caleb gets, the harder it is for me to find time to sit down and write. We are doing great. My days are filled literally with cleaning our house and chasing my crazy boys. I cannot lie, I do find time to squeeze in some tennis too. Having two boys is more fun than I ever imagined. Foster is getting so big and so smart. He and Jason have a new pastime of drawing together. For Christmas, Jason got him a "How-To" drawing book and sometimes in the evenings, they sit at the dining room table and draw. Jason is teaching Foster to draw what he sees, not what he thinks. It is a big concept. I don't even think I grasp it; but Foster is doing a great job. Of course, all he wants to draw is dinosaurs. Jason hung a rope along the wall in our game room and hanging from it are lots of Foster's originals. I LOVE IT!
Caleb is growing so fast. He is becoming so verbal. As we walk through the grocery store, he says "HI" very loudly to nearly everyone that passes. He absolutely loves music. On a few occasions I have caught him in the living room with the TV on the ORU Chapel service. He is in there dancing and singing to the music. He comes by it honestly, his birthmom is an amazing singer. I hope both boys pursue music as they gets older. I really do think I am the only mom in history that hopes that her son plays the drums. I played the drums in Elementary school and wish that I never would have quit.
I have learned so much in having two boys...They are both so different. God really is creative when he makes each person. Both boys know how to push my buttons. I have especially struggled with knowing how to discipline them because they both respond differently. You only have to give Foster a stern look or possibly a time out. Caleb is a different story. Although as he is learning how serious I am when I say No, he is responding better to "the look".
The other day while I was in the shower, I noticed that Caleb had his eye on the toilet brush that was wedged out of reach behind the trash can. I poked my head out of the shower and told him "No" in that voice that says that I mean business. I was almost done with my shower. I kept an eye on Caleb, but he didn't know I was watching. With his eyes in my direction to see if I was watching, he slowly worked his way over to the trash can and very deliberately moved it out of the way. I turned the water off and started drying off. Caleb didn't know that I could still see him. With his eyes fixed on me, he slid slowly over within arms reach from the toilet brush. I told him, "If you touch, I will spank, that is a No." I started drying my hair with a towel and again he thought I was not looking. He reached out very quickly and just touched the handle of the brush and quickly retreated his hands and started to walk away. I of course stopped him and had to follow through with what I had promised. I spanked his hand. Again another reinforcement that No means No, but it is hard.
After that happened with he toilet brush, I said to myself "Why does he do stuff like that?" It was then that I realized that I am not much different. There are things that I do every day that I know I shouldn't do whether it be eat something that is not on my Weight Watchers program or something more significant. Isn't it ironic how little we change as we get bigger. We have a way of making the forbidden within our reach. Just like Caleb rearranged the trash can so that he could touch what he is not supposed to, don't we often times rearrange our circumstances so that, although we really really really don't want to do something, we make it very easy to fail. I do it all the time when I grocery shop. I will say to myself, Foster really likes Nilla Wafers; I should get him some. When in reality the moment they enter my house I dream about them and in a moment of weakness, I can literally inhale nearly the whole box. It is best for me to leave them at the grocery store rather than bring them here where they are within my reach. The lessons I learned from this are 1) I am not much different from my kids, just bigger and hopefully a little smarter. 2) Most the time what is forbidden is not as exciting as what you thought it would be. I am sure touching the toilet brush didn't give Caleb the thrill he thought it would. Next time I am tempted to do what I shouldn't I hope I remember this lesson; it is hardly ever worth the consequence.

Top Eleven (A Bonus) Things I am Thankful For:
1. We found the greatest babysitter named Taylor who is available day or night. It is so freeing to know that we can find someone who lives so close to us that is available when we need them (and finally give my parents a break from their babysitting duty).
2. Caleb's increasing vocabulary and funny sense of humor. He makes me laugh and brings so much joy to my day.
3. Foster has become quite the helper around the house. He is working through his chore list daily trying to earn enough money to buy a Spiderman Toy he has his eye on. He has been helping keep his room and the game room really clean. It is such a nice treat.
4. I am so thankful that we reconnected last week with our friends Rogers and Fab. It had been a long time since we spent time together and we had so much fun. Hopefully it is just the beginning.
5. Finally the melting of the ice and snow. It is in the 60s today. I have my window open and have been driving the Jeep around today. I absolutely LOVE this weather.
6. My Dad and Mom gave me their old Treadmill a couple of weeks ago. It is so great to have a place where I can exercise when Caleb is asleep. I am loving it!
7. Speaking of exercise - I have been on Weight Watchers with my friends Jody and Kristin. We started Jan 1st and just today I hit the 10 pound weight loss mark! I have a few more to go, but I am excited about the progress. I am finally starting to notice the difference in how things fit and how I look. The next 10 pounds are going to be even more exciting.
8. We sold our pool table and converted the former pool room to a game room for the kids. It is so wonderful having one room where the toys stay. It makes the rest of the home so much more clutter free. I love it!
9. Again, I am thankful for Esther, our cleaning lady. She just left after cleaning for the past 4 hours. The house smells like Mr Clean Lemon. What a beautiful smell...especially when it is on floors that I didn't have to mop :)
10. I am thankful for how awesome Jason is as a husband and a dad. He has been working so hard to be home early and spend good quality time with us. Yesterday before leaving town, he stayed home to have breakfast with the boys. I know how easy it could be for him to lose himself in his work, but he is making us a priority and I am so grateful.
11. Guitar Hero. I discovered my love for Guitar Hero on New Years Eve...I guess it feeds my dream of being a musician. It is probably as close as I will ever get. As you can see in the picture, Jason likes it too. If you haven't played it, you are missing out :)

Blessings to each of you,
Becca