So, you want to do a triathlon

I had a great email dialogue with a friend of mine today about my experience in training for the triathlon. Here are some notes for anyone who may be interested in taking on the challenge. I think many people who know me think that because I am athletic that the triathlon may have come easy. I assure you that there is nothing about swimming, biking and running that came easily.

Here is the absolute honest truth. I have never been a runner, swimmer or biker...honestly, I didn't like any of these sports because I have made a history out of making excuses for myself. Ever since I was young, when things got tough, I would quit or just find something that I enjoyed more like basketball, softball, or any team sport. I so much prefer sports that put me up against another person's abilities and don't force me to look into the face of my weaknesses. I am athletic...God made me that way. But I am a wimp when it comes to pushing myself beyond what comes naturally. I swear, a few years ago when I would ride a bike for more than 20 minutes, I would get nauseated. One time I had to get off my bike because I thought I was going to puke.

In January when I decided to do the triathlon...it was a mental decision. I still am not a great runner, but every time I go out to train I am not only training my legs and lungs, I am working on my brain believing that I can do it. I run just under a 10 minute mile...on a good day, a 9 minute mile. My triathlon partner runs an 8 minute mile. She has done a great job pushing me to be better just by trying to keep up with her. I have almost convinced my mind that one day I will be able to match her step for step.

I think the key is to pick something....even if you don't know if you will like it AND DO IT! Work on it until it become natural. I had to do that with swimming. Being a redhead, I didn't spend much time in the pool growing up because it involved way too much sunscreen to keep me from being miserable. The first time I went out to start my training, I could only go one length of the pool and I had to stop and catch my breath. Now I can go 32 lengths on a good day without stopping. It was adding a little every day and believing that no matter how hard I had to work or how long it took, I would have success. Honestly, I still don't like swimming, but I committed to squeezing by big fat butt into that swimsuit. Now my backside isn't so big anymore which makes it all worth it. And what a sense of accomplishment it is to swim half a mile and know that I could go longer if I needed to.

I still have a long way to go until I feel good at running, biking and swimming...but I am proud of my progress. The whole purpose of signing up for the triathlon was to lose weight and get back in shape. My only goal at the triathlon was to finish without stopping and I did it. Since January I was able to drop 20 lbs and 2 sizes. The weight comes off slow! It took me almost 2 months to see any difference at all, but in the past 2 months I think I have dropped 12 lbs. I guess my body had to be certain that I was serious before it let go of the fat. So my advice is to be patient with yourself and don't give up....don't assume you will have big numbers fall off right away. Life is not like the "The Biggest Loser". Be thoughtful about what you eat but be sure to still enjoy your food. I pay very close attention to how the foods I eat make me feel. It is easy to get rid of junky food when you realize that they wipe out your energy and affect your performance. Have treats that make you smile. My daily treat is a Coke Classic. I enjoy every last sip and it brings a big smile! I eat ANYTHING I want....I just don't eat a lot of it.

If you can't tell, I am excited. I love that what I did is inspiring. I feel so blessed to have made a change in my life that has made such a huge impact on me and a few others! I love that life is what you make of it. We have to make choices each and every day to move toward what we truly want. I think I had resorted to the fact that life will just become whatever it becomes. That is such a lie. I had to take tight reigns of my life to make positive steps toward who I truly want to be. Now don't get me wrong, it is a struggle. I may be making steps forward in the fitness and health...but steps backwards in other areas. Life is a juggle, that is for sure. I hope one day to find the perfect balance...this is perhaps only a dream.

So, you want to do a triathlon? Or a Marathon? Or a 5K? Or lose some weight? I believe in you. You can do it. Throw your heart into it and NEVER underestimate the power of your mind. Have fun and be proud of what you are capable of. Hopefully I will see you on the road running toward your personal goals.

Blessings,
Becca

I Hate Goodbyes

With eager anticipation I look forward to what 2009 is going to bring, yet with an aching heart I sit down to write tonight. On the 15th of December, my Dad went in for surgery to have a tumor removed from his chest. The surgery was a success and the tumor was benign, thank God. On that very day, a friend of mine from work went in for a triple bypass operation. Little did I know that I would get to meet her family and spend time with them in the waiting room. Strangely, my father's room and Barbara's room were just across the hall from each other in the ICU. During my visits to see my Dad, I would peak my head in to see Barbara but never got a chance to talk with her because she was on the ventilator and had nurses tending to her. I was excited to hear that she went home last week and was doing well and shocked when I found out that she unexpectedly passed away at home on Sunday.

As a Hospice Nurse, I have been able to numb myself to the pain of death. Today, however as I passed her desk at work and sat in her chair for a brief moment, I was no longer numb. I felt the pain of losing a friend. I will miss her laugh and her kind words. She was a person who always had something to say that would lift your spirits or make you laugh. She was an excellent nurse and was loved by so many. There will be a void in our office, one that time will heal but one that will never be forgotten.

I hate goodbyes...especially when they are permanent. Goodbyes are a reminder that life is precious and that we are never guaranteed tomorrow. I am reminded to focus on what is really important in life and for me what is truly important is my relationship with my God, my family and my friends. I want to live a life of intention - doing a good job at work, taking care of my health, taking time to read and learn new things and devoting time to investing in people. If only I can remember to daily live by these priorities...perhaps that will be my New Year's Resolution this year.

I do look forward to what 2009 will bring. I wonder what chapters are going to be written in my life story this year. I hope they with be chapters filled with good surprises, a lot of happy times with my family and friends, personal victories, fun vacations, a lot of laughter, great conversations, opportunities to see God work, silly things checked off my "bucket list", new relationships and deeper, more intimate and honest friendships with those that I love.

Happy New Year!
I am so thankful for my life and I am so thankful that you are part of it!
Blessings,
Becca

Enough

I was asked the question the other day, "when is enough, enough". I have pondered that question for days and the answer has been weighing heavily on me. Hence, it's time to blog :)
We in America are so driven. We have so much, yet we long for more. We think if we get that job promotion, or get this new car, or lose a little more weight, or finally get married, or if we have another child, or if we have another drink, or if we smoke just one more, or if we just become more spiritual, or if we have a better house, or finally get all our ducks in a row, or if we finally win first place, or if we finally get noticed that we will then be happy and satisfied. But we all know that is not the case. As soon as the "new car smell" dissipates, we are already looking for our next purchase. Or as soon as your tired feet cross the finish line, you are filling out the paperwork for the next race.

See, the fact is no matter how hard you try to fill that void in your life, it will never feel satisfying. Sure you can have a few drinks and forget that the hunger is there or you can seek a thrill and not notice that nag for a little while. But when everything settles and the room is quiet, there it is. The void you experience was created by your Maker and at the root of who you are whether you acknowledge it or not, your soul longs to have a relationship with Him.

So, am I saying you shouldn't work hard to buy a new car and you shouldn't challenge yourself and try to be your best. Absolutely not. Goals and achievements are what makes our culture so great. You can do anything you put your mind to. But at the end of the day, why are you doing those things? Are you doing them to bring you joy and as a means to live life to the full or are you just staying busy so you can quiet the ache inside of you as God patiently waits?

I am not standing on a pedestal. I write these things in front of a mirror talking to myself. I get out of focus and out of balance easily and often...but God's grace is so great. He is not a God with a list of rules. His burden is light. He just wants a relationship with you. He is standing at the door knocking, are you going to let Him in? Your choice. For me, it is a daily decision. Maybe you should give it a try - you might find that gnawing hunger satisfied.


Blessings!
Until Next Time,
Becca

Under Construction - Progress as Promised

I have not blogged in so long. Life has been crazy. Since the end of April, our home has been under construction. After much thought, Jason and I decided to finally make some changes to our home. Wow, what an undertaking. The story is that we had a rock wall in between the kitchen and the living room. It was huge and bulky and took away from having a open home good for entertaining. The problem is, when you take out a huge wall like that it effects the flooring, the ceiling and our appliances which were built in the rock wall on the kitchen side. There was no way to do this job without really diving in. Our home was gutted down to the studs in the main living area. It took a full week to do the demo. We have been rebuilding ever since.
When the walls came down that backed up to our guest bathroom, we found a lot of mold and a huge water leak. This lead to a brand new bathroom for the boys. To top it all off, we fixed every crack in our foundation-stricken home which lead to having to repaint every single room in the house....either just a bit of touch up or the whole room. It has been busy and I feel like life has been almost overwhelming.
Not only has all this happened, but Jason has changed jobs and we are in the middle of negotiating a price on the sale of Jason's mom's house. Back in February we were chosen by a birthmom to adopt her baby, but she changed her mind....thankfully. I don't think we could handle much more right now. I know God would have provided what we needed, but I am grateful that we don't have that on top of all the chaos.
I know everyone has things going on and life never really is easy. I know that I so often get bogged down with the here and now and don't focus on the things that really matter. Things came into clear perspective yesterday when I got an email from a high school friend telling me that my friend, Kristin passed away. She was 35 and had been fighting cancer and lost the battle. It is so clear to me today that life is fragile. Friends are more important than the chaos of life. Loving, teaching and being patient with my kids is way more important than getting things done. It doesn't have to be a home remodel....it can be anything that I let pull me off balance. I don't want life to get in the way of being the person God made me to be.
I will write again later. Here are some pictures of our constructions zone :) The first 2 are during the demo phase. The third is a picture of our new cabinets unstained (the 1st picture and the 3rd picture are taken from the same place), the fourth is a picture of Foster in our new pantry and the final 2 are pictures of the Granite Install Day!!! Today the plumbers are here so for the first time since the start I will have a kitchen sink. We have been having to do dishes in our bathroom for almost 3 months. I am very very excited!
Until Next Time, Becca

"Everythings Going to be OK"

I feel like life is passing by faster than I can keep up....but it is good and I am so blessed. My favorite thing right now is laughing at my children. God has blessed me with two of the funniest kids ever to walk this earth - at least that is my opinion. Caleb is really coming into his own. Daily I laugh at the things he comes up with. Here are two stories that made me laugh out loud.

The other day I was at Wal-Mart. The guy at the checkout had long brown hair and a beard. I could see Caleb watching him and his wheels were turning. Quietly he said, "hey, look at my shirt Jesus". "Jesus" didn't respond. Caleb said a little louder, "hey, look at my shirt, Jesus". "Jesus" still didn't respond. Caleb in a very loud voice for all to hear said, "HEY JESUS, LOOK AT MY SHIRT". I wasn't quite sure how to handle it, neither did "Jesus" otherwise known as Jay, Wal-Mart cashier. I am sure Caleb was wondering why "Jesus" wasn't listening to him and also perhaps why Jesus had a job at Wal-Mart.

On Wednesday of this week, Caleb and I went to lunch, just the two of us. I got him some Macaroni and Cheese and it was hot. I was blowing on it and couldn't resist taking a bite. He looked at me and said in a very stern voice, "Momma, don't eat Caleb's food." He put his hand just under my chin and said, "here Momma, spit right here in my hand, spit it out right now".

Foster is a mess too. He is getting so smart. He is a sponge at school and comes home with new tid bits each day. He is full of questions. The other day he wanted to know the difference between Jesus, God and The Holy Spirit. I heard from his Sunday School teacher that he then attempted to explain the Trinity to his fellow Sunday Schoolers. I am sure it was clear as mud, but to Foster, it made sense. I guess that is all that matters.

Life has been a bit of a roller coaster with Jason's job change, getting Jason's mom's house ready to sell and our possible adoption. In January, Jason closed his company because of how much stress it was contributing to his life. God has been our provider during this time. Jason has been able to keep his income up with freelance work while he pursues other opportunities.

We have spent almost 100 hours at Jason's mom's house getting it ready to sell. We are so excited about how it has turned out. We painted all the interior walls, cleaned and scrubbed, had new carpet placed and did minor repairs. It was so rewarding to see the huge change and in a small way I felt like we were honoring Emily by taking such good care of the home that she lived in for so many years. It is going to be bittersweet when it sells. I'm not going to lie, there will be some tears. There are a lot of memories trapped in those walls.

In March, we were selected by a birthmom to adopt her baby that is due November 4th. Last Monday, she called us and told us that she changed her mind and is going to keep the child....and then on Wednesday of that same week she wanted to change her mind back. When she told me this, I told her that she needed to not change her mind so quickly - she needed to give herself time and spend some time in prayer. That is where we left it. Yesterday she sent me a text and asked me to call her because she wanted to talk to me about something. I called her and she has not called me back. I have no idea what she is thinking or what is actually going to happen on November 4th. I figure it is a 50/50 chance either way and we are OK with that.

When I was young I was terrified of storms. I especially didn't like the sound of thunder that rattled the windows. Oh how I longed to be in my Dad's arms hearing him tell me that it was going to be OK. When we were at Disney World last summer, we took Foster on the Lilo & Stitch ride. We were strapped in this harness and the lights went out and it was pitch black. I knew that Foster was afraid. I reached over and grabbed his hand and rubbed his fingers to let him know that I was there, but I longed to snatch him up in my arms and whisper in his ear, "your OK, I'm here, don't be afraid, everything is going to be OK." Over the past several months, I have felt a little like I did as a child when it stormed or like Foster on the dark ride, but never have I felt so intensely the loving arms of Jesus wrapped around me telling me "it's going to be OK, I am here, I love you". Even during some of the saddest and most unsteady times in our lives over the past several months, I have never felt alone. God's peace and provision has blown me away. I am so thankful He has a plan and that His plan is good. I am thankful that He is always there and if I seek Him and listen, He is there gently whispering in my ear.

Until next time.
Blessings,
Becca

John

Tuesday, February 12th at 2:30pm, we lost a dear friend. John Kilgore, our beloved music minister at our church passed away from complications from heart surgery. He was only 59. I went to the hospital as soon as I heard the news. I am not a drama chaser - one that always has to be in the thick of things, but I couldn't just sit at home as the bottom was being dropped out in the lives of so many people I love so deeply. When John came to serve at out church over 20 years ago, I gained not only a new appreciation and love for music, I also gained a best friend who walked through life with me while we were teenagers. I love Collyn so much and I needed to see her and know that she was OK. Since high school our lives have taken us in different directions, but I needed to be with her and I know if the tables were turned, she would be by my side.

Yesterday, in the moment, I was strong. My emotions were steady. I know it is because I was kind of in work mode - I was helping people grieve. Through years of being a Hospice Nurse, God has equipped me with the ability to be strong in the moment. Today, is a different story. I think the reality of losing such an amazing man is sinking in. I think about all that John has taught me over the years and my heart is filled with gratitude to God for bringing him into my life. Whether it was during youth choir, on choir tours or simply on Sunday mornings, John taught me how to worship. Worship is not about singing; it is the pouring of your heart out in gratitude to the One who created you and sent his Son to die for you. You could see it on John's face when he would lead us in song. He wasn't just directed us. He wasn't going through the motions. He was WORSHIPING and we were just joining along. I think of him now. He spent his life teaching people to worship Jesus and now he is getting to do it face to face.

When we lose someone we love, it forces us to look at our own lives. I have done some soul searching today. I hope that when my life is over that I have touched people's lives the way John touched those around him. I hope people say of me that I was transparent, approachable, loyal, and real. I hope that they know beyond a shadow of a doubt how much I loved them and I hope I lived a life that drew people toward a relationship with Jesus. As far as changes I plan to make...I know I am going to hug my children, my husband, my family and my friends a little tighter. I am going to say "I love you" and "I'm sorry" and "thank you" more often. I am going to attempt to not leave words unsaid because you never know when you won't have the chance to say them.

I am sad for our loss. I know if John could have scripted his life, he wouldn't have left. He loved people so richly. He loved his family, his friends and his church. I don't know why God took him, but I can't be sad for John; He is in the presence of the Lord doing what he loved to do - worshiping! And to all of you who know John, you know he has that hand going and that smile from ear to ear as he sings with everything in him. How blessed we are that we shared life here on earth with John Kilgore!

Thank you John. You will be forever missed.

Blessings,
Becca

One Huge Mess

Yet again, I have been doing some thinking. These are some things that have been swimming in my head; I thought I would download them for your reading pleasure:

Perspective is funny. Sometimes I look at people and marvel at how put together they seem. I am in awe of people who not only have it together on the exterior but also seem to be confident in who they are as a person. Their marriage and children look textbook and there life seems easy.

My life couldn't be more opposite. I rarely am "put together". If I do fix my hair in the morning, it is in a ponytail by noon. I sweat like a man and my socks have holes...I try to not take my shoes off in public unless I am positive I have non-holey socks on. I struggle with pride, self-esteem, and anger. I am so disorganized that it is ridiculous - I think I lose my keys at least 5 times a day. I have to keep tight reigns on my tongue....in other words I easily gossip and when I am angry (especially on the tennis court), words come out of my mouth that would make a sailor blush. I also find myself cutting down others to make myself look better. I absolutely hate it when I do that. Since I was young I have struggled with being honest - I feel like I have made a lot of progress in that department, but I still catch myself at times not telling the WHOLE truth. Probably what gets me the most is that I care way too much about what other people think of me. I beat myself up when someone either doesn't like me or if I feel judged by someone. I hide behind my humor because I think if I keep people laughing they won't see what a mess I really am.

I know that I have good qualities too, but seriously, when I sit and look at me, I can get very down. The only hope I have is that I am not defined by my mistakes and imperfections. I am defined by who God says I am. I am one of His children - He loved me enough to send his Son to die for me. I have to remember that God doesn't make junk and he can use me in spite of all my broken and mangled pieces.

I am not going to settle for being one giant mess. I am working on the areas that need to be worked on. There is no doubt that I am not the person I want to be, but each day I get to start over and walk this journey. I am so thankful for friends and family who love me for me in spite of my "junk".

Life has been quite busy since I last wrote. Jason moved his office home. We reconstructed our dining room into an office. It has been great having Jason home during the day. It is so nice to see him more and it also frees me up to run errands during Caleb's nap time. We also did Jason's mom's Estate Sale and it was A LOT of work. I have a new appreciation for throwing things away; I was amazed at some of the things we found. We ran the whole thing ourselves....thankfully my Dad and Jason's brother, Hopper helped run the sale and our friends Deanna, Evan, Liliana and Kelly came and helped me price and stage things. The best part about the sale is that it is over. Now we are on to the next step of getting the house ready to sell. Jason and I had an emotional day yesterday as we walked around the house and saw it almost empty. Jason pointed out places in the house where he had different memories of his mom. It was hard! We even toyed with the idea of selling our house and moving there, but we both know that the emotions were talking. It is just really hard to close that chapter, especially for Jason. This house is the house he was raised in and there are a lot of memories made between those walls.
Five Things I Learned At the Estate Sale:
1) People will get mad over 50 cents. We actually had someone slam down an item and walk out because he thought the price was 2 for 50 cents and it was actually 50 cents each.
2) People are dishonest. We had one little lady switch the price on an item (she was probably in her 70s). Funny thing is, I would have given it to her at a cheaper price if she wouldn't have changed the price.
3) People how make a living off of "garage-sales" are pretty annoying. They like to use pressure to get you to make a fast decision that will lean in their direction. I had one guy offer me $3500 cash for Emily's car which I am driving. I told him that I would be interested in getting his name and number and he told me that the offer was good only for that minute. I told him that I was driving it and he said "surely you can get a ride from someone". I told him "No thanks".
4) Some people look at Garage Sales as a game. We had at least one person steal some jewelry that was marked $1 - seriously, is your integrity worth $1? I think people just try to get as much as they can for nothing.
5) Some people are genuinely nice. We had one older gentleman buy something and he heard us complaining that we had run out of bags for people. He went home and made a special trip back to the house to deliver us a load of bags. I want to be like him!



I included a couple of pictures of the boys. I have not been taking many pictures lately. Enjoy!
Have a blessed week!
Until Next Time,
Becca