John

Tuesday, February 12th at 2:30pm, we lost a dear friend. John Kilgore, our beloved music minister at our church passed away from complications from heart surgery. He was only 59. I went to the hospital as soon as I heard the news. I am not a drama chaser - one that always has to be in the thick of things, but I couldn't just sit at home as the bottom was being dropped out in the lives of so many people I love so deeply. When John came to serve at out church over 20 years ago, I gained not only a new appreciation and love for music, I also gained a best friend who walked through life with me while we were teenagers. I love Collyn so much and I needed to see her and know that she was OK. Since high school our lives have taken us in different directions, but I needed to be with her and I know if the tables were turned, she would be by my side.

Yesterday, in the moment, I was strong. My emotions were steady. I know it is because I was kind of in work mode - I was helping people grieve. Through years of being a Hospice Nurse, God has equipped me with the ability to be strong in the moment. Today, is a different story. I think the reality of losing such an amazing man is sinking in. I think about all that John has taught me over the years and my heart is filled with gratitude to God for bringing him into my life. Whether it was during youth choir, on choir tours or simply on Sunday mornings, John taught me how to worship. Worship is not about singing; it is the pouring of your heart out in gratitude to the One who created you and sent his Son to die for you. You could see it on John's face when he would lead us in song. He wasn't just directed us. He wasn't going through the motions. He was WORSHIPING and we were just joining along. I think of him now. He spent his life teaching people to worship Jesus and now he is getting to do it face to face.

When we lose someone we love, it forces us to look at our own lives. I have done some soul searching today. I hope that when my life is over that I have touched people's lives the way John touched those around him. I hope people say of me that I was transparent, approachable, loyal, and real. I hope that they know beyond a shadow of a doubt how much I loved them and I hope I lived a life that drew people toward a relationship with Jesus. As far as changes I plan to make...I know I am going to hug my children, my husband, my family and my friends a little tighter. I am going to say "I love you" and "I'm sorry" and "thank you" more often. I am going to attempt to not leave words unsaid because you never know when you won't have the chance to say them.

I am sad for our loss. I know if John could have scripted his life, he wouldn't have left. He loved people so richly. He loved his family, his friends and his church. I don't know why God took him, but I can't be sad for John; He is in the presence of the Lord doing what he loved to do - worshiping! And to all of you who know John, you know he has that hand going and that smile from ear to ear as he sings with everything in him. How blessed we are that we shared life here on earth with John Kilgore!

Thank you John. You will be forever missed.

Blessings,
Becca